The story of my grand-mom

The first-hand experience always stays for a lifetime. It is the first child that makes you a mom or a dad. For the rest of your children, you were already a parent and an experienced one; nothing new to it. 

Around a century ago (supposedly 1927), KC Narayanan Kutty Menon and AV (Anakkara Vadakkattu- Kuttippuram) Kalyani Kutty Amma had mixed feelings when they became a parent to a child for the first time. A girl child. With all the love, they named her Soudamini. AV Soudamini Amma. Soon, the mixed feelings transformed to a motherly love; all the confusions about parenthood became daily chores. Narayanan, who was working in a furniture company, loved being a father. He adored Soudamini. Soudamini would kick her father’s chest with her small soft feet as he leaned over to kiss her forehead. Kalyani would smile contently. They brought up Soudamini with utmost love and care. Soudamini seemed to grow up faster than time. 

AV Kalyani Kutty Amma

Soon, Kalyani conceived again. But this time, the child succumbed the hard labour. During those days, the delivery was carried out by midwives. No induced pains or C-sections. So, one had to give birth in the most natural ways, bearing all the possible pains. Kalyani could bear it but the child gave in. 

Kalyani got pregnant again. She gave birth to a healthy girl child and they named her Bhargavi. Soudamini got a company in all her daily mischief. 

Now, Kalyani and Narayanan wanted a boy child. They tried again. Kalyani gave birth to a girl child. But she died during the first few months. Soudamini was around 4-5 years old by this time.  Soudamini was about 6 years old when she got a brother. Narayanan (Nanappan). Obviously, the big sister adored the baby brother. Soudamini soon got another baby brother who died in 2 months because of fits. By this time, Soudamini had started schooling. Soudamini was growing up to a well-mannered yet bubbly girl, whom everybody loved.

Soudamini welcomed another sister, Vinodini. She was fair and beautiful. Soudamini was old enough to help her mother in some of the household chores, which includes taking care of the smaller ones. Soudamini was 14 years old, when her mother delivered her last sibling. Saraswati. Since, she was the youngest of them, everybody called her Molutty. And, Molutty became Molty. And Molty started to call Soudamini as Theethi (childish pronunciation for Edathy). By now, Soudamini had become quite experienced with handling kids. She took good care of Molty and did everything for her except for feeding milk, because she couldn’t. Soudamini knew she is not going to face any difficulty raising her own kids. The four sisters and the only brother grew up playing, loving, fighting, and gossiping with each other. Of the nine deliveries that Kalyani had, these five siblings survived the struggle to life.

Soudamini was a brilliant student. She had passed 8^th standard in the first attempt. This was a big achievement during those days. But she couldn’t continue school because by that time, her younger siblings had all started schooling. After a couple of years, she enrolled herself for a teacher’s training program – an obvious choice for girls. She successfully completed it. However, when she put forward the idea of going for a teaching profession, her father objected, “Girls must not go outside to work.” And, that was the end of it.
 

In due course of time, Soudamini grew up to become a beautiful girl with a heart-shaped face, wheatish complexion, and long thick wavy hair that concealed her big ears. She had deep-set, slightly brown eyes. There was a blue ring around the iris of her eyes that made those eyes very intense. Being the first daughter of the family, and given the fact that she had three younger sisters, her parents started seeking alliance for her. One such alliance was of a man called Gopalan Menon, who was a wealthy social personality with a lot of farming and property dealings and was the only child of his parents. All was fine except for the age difference, which was almost 20 years. But it didn’t matter much in those olden times. So, the alliance was accepted.

At the age of 19, Soudamini got married to Gopalan. Gopalan proved to be a good husband. And Soudamini was an ideal wife. They lived in his magnificent house (tharavadu) that had a pond (kolam) too. Like in all arranged marriages, they fell in love with each other soon after the wedding. He showed the heavens to Soudamini, and she gracefully entered and became a part of it.

At 20, Soudamini gave birth to their first child. Soudamini had great faith in Lord Krishna, so she named him Govindan Kutty (Govindan). He resembled his father. And, as expected, Soudamini was good with raising up kids. This was followed by a gap of 2 years and then another boy child. Venugopal (Venu). He looked more like Soudamini. This too was followed by a gap of 2 years and another boy child. Narayanan Kutty (Unni). He was named after Soudamini’s father. He resembled Gopalan but he had the eyes of his mother and the same iris ring. After a brief pause, Soudamini got pregnant again. She prayed it was a baby girl for a change. But the God denied the prayers. They named the child, Radhakrishnan (Radha). The boys were a mischievous gang. Their father would play games with them, teach them swimming, and tell them about farming details. Gopalan would never forget to bring some snack for his kids to munch on while he returned home every evening.

In a parallel world, Soudamini’s siblings were getting married off and were leading their own family lives. Soudamini loved her nieces and nephews as much as he loved her own kids. The youngest of them, Molty, was still too young to get married. She would often come to Soudamini’s home to stay on. It were indeed the good times.

As if struck by some evil eye, the good times gradually changed. Gopalan had been complaining of stomach pain lately. On a winter morning, it got worse. He was hospitalized for a day but the doctors couldn’t save him. The news struck Soudamini as a lightening. And what came as a thunder sound after a few seconds was the realization that she was 2 months pregnant. At the tender age of 32, Soudamini lost her life partner. The happy world turned upside down. The smiling faces shed tears now for the loss of their father. She was supposed to lead the rest of her life alone, to bring up her kids. She had to live for her kids. And, she loved them. Govindan, the eldest son was 12 years old at that time. He tried his best to console his mom.

Because Gopalan was the only child of his parents, all the wealth and property must have ideally descended to Soudamini and her kids. Gopalan’s cunning cousin conjured Soudamini to accept a cash amount of Rs. 10,000 and leave the place immediately. Soudamini was at utmost depression and didn’t know what was happening around her. She obliged and just went with the flow.

Soudamini and her children moved to her father’s home. Her father had passed away suffering from Tuberculosis. Her sisters were married off except for Molty. Soon she delivered her last son and named him, Keshav Das (Dasan). The youngest and the cutest of them. She looked at him with a depressing smile, realizing that she must give him double the amount of love as he doesn’t have his father now. And tears started rolling down her cheeks. The poor thing doesn’t even have a picture of his father to see.

The following ten years were as tough as it could be. Raising up five boys with no formal income source was a challenge she took up fiercely. If only she had taken up the teaching profession. She regretted that she listened to her father. All the tears she swallowed seemed to have made her strong. She borrowed, she managed chit-funds, she sold old stuff; she did the best possible to make a living. There were times that she could manage only with a rice soup. The boys would understand the situation. Unni and Radha would mostly help his mom at kitchen. Dasan, obviously, was the pet of all. All the boys were good at studies.

At the age of 20, Govindan went to Madras for work. He also went to Delhi and a lot of other states to try his luck. Despite of having a good personality, communications skills, language proficiency, and an immense knowledge, he was still struggling. He fell in love with a Tamilian girl and got settled in Madras. He never took his bride to his home. Soudamini, howsoever, had no qualms about it.

After around 2 years, Venu, the second son, got employed in a reputed organization in Madras. He would send money to Soudamini to lend a helping hand. Things started getting better. He got an alliance for marriage from a contact in Madras. With his mother’s consent, Venu got married to Rukmini and got settled in Madras.

By this time (1967), Molty was married to an Army person, Radhakrishnan, and had moved to Bhopal, MP. Molty gave birth to a son, Jayshankar (Jayan). Soudamini always loved kids, so it was obvious she loved Jayan. But she adored Jayan especially for the fact that he was such a lovely and lively child who loved his Valyamma (aunt) back as much as his own mother. In fact, Jayan had thought that Soudamini was his actual mother as he was with Soudamini till his toddlerhood when his mother had shifted to Bhopal with Radhakrishnan. Soudamini always considered him to be one in her sons’ herd.

Radhakrishnan was a kind gentleman who always wanted to help. He called Unni to Bhopal and referred him to a job at Bhopal. Soudamini looked up for a bride for him and got him married to Usha, a distant relative. Unni and Usha got settled in Bhopal.

Radhakrishnan helped the fourth son, Radha, to get into Army. Radha joined the Army. Soon, he married Shobha, Usha’s cousin. Radha explored new places in India as part of his service and took his family along.

Unni called Dasan, the youngest son, to Bhopal and helped him get into the Land Army team. Dasan first joined the Land Army in Shahdol, MP, and then moved to a State Government job at Bhopal. Dasan married Meera, another cousin of Usha and Shobha.

After all her sons moved out, Soudamini was left in the home with her mother, Kalyani. Kalyani had grown old with a humpback and some hearing impairment. Soudamini took great care of her mom. She had taken care of her mom more than her mother had taken care of her in the childhood, both in terms of quality and quantity. After her husband retired from Army, Molty and her husband joined Soudamini and her mother in Kerala. They moved to a new house in Calicut town. Kalyani died at the age of 82.

  

Soudamini kept shuttling between Madras, Bhopal, and Calicut. However, she always wanted to be in Calicut. At her roots. Although she had complained God for giving her all sons and no daughters, she now thanked God for giving her lovely daughters-in-law. She, in turn, was a dream mom-in-law. She had mastered the art of daily cookery and handling infants. So, she was required most of the times when she was expected to be a grand-mom.

Govindan had four children – Usha, Anand, Suji, and Dolly. Venu had five children – Smitha, Renuka, Radhika, Harish and Satish (twins). Unni had two daughters – Uma and Soumya. Radha had two children – Rajeesh and Reshmi. Dasan had two sons – Gopal and Gokul (Dasan named his first son after his unseen father). Soudamini loved them all. She was a typical grand-mom: loving and patient. She would tell bed-time stories. She would not go to bed and sit with her grand-kids if they are studying late at night and wake them early mornings during exams. She would apply oil on her grand-kids’ heads and give a nice massage. She would prepare the world’s best fish-curry for them. And if she was in Calicut, she would write letters to them. Regularly.

She started spending most of her evenings hooked on the Malayalam TV series. And, nobody dared to change the TV channel. She longed for company of the dear ones. By this time, Soudamini was already a great-grand-mother. Like her mother, she also started losing her hearing ability. She still wanted to stay in Calicut. But she was now dependent on her daughter-in-laws for taking care of her. 

April 1, 2009. Soudamini was bed-ridden for a month now. Her kidneys were giving up. She was losing her memory, which was once on her finger-tips. She spent her last days in Bhopal with Unni and Dasan. Venu and Radha had come down to Bhopal to see her. It was dusk time. Usha and Shobha were citing prayers after lighting the lamp when Soudamini breathed her last breath. The brothers cremated her. The lifeless body dissolved into the fire; the soul must have travelled to the heavens via her roots in Calicut.

Thus came an end to the graceful yet strong lady who won hearts of all those who were a part of her life. When she was alive, she was never silent. Now, may her inspiring legend do the talking. Here’s praying the soul to rest in peace.

AV Soudamini Amma